This is what I do when someone I like doesn't answer my call...
- I call everyone I know who won't answer my call.
- Then I call everyone who was a passing ship in the night - just to drive it home.
- Then I will write texts that I know won't get answered.
- Then I will wallow in self-pity.
Somewhere between points 2 and 3 I remind myself that I'm better than this. By point 4 I have forgotten.
There used to be a point 5 which alternated between buying a small appliance and eating ice cream. At my worst, they coincided.
Now I count to 10 and indulge in a few moments of quiet reflection.
Voila! I no longer am afraid of my own reflection! Literally! Let's go look in the mirror!!
My butt is white-girl small.
My chest bones are visible (do they have a name other than "those-bones-that-every-fat-woman-notices-on-skinny-women"?)
My hair looks well above average.
So what if I haven't met that guy that not only wants to be with me, but I want to be with him?
A world of opportunity is before me.
I have shed 31 kilos so far.
Just to be clear.
It is not the skinny me that suddenly has opportunities that fat me didn't. It is skinny me that is shedding burdens, baggage, and every possible cliche, because I am creating opportunity.
I am taking drastic, life changing steps to shed my debt.
Soon I will emerge a tabula rasa of sorts, never too old to start over, never too old to remake myself, never too old to correct wrongs.
I am not quite there yet.
But for the time being I am enjoying sitting cross-legged on a bar stool without rolling off.