GPS For Sale

I have got to get myself a better road map. If love is just around the corner, I must be in the wrong neighborhood. 


With my luck, love is teetering on a brink somewhere. It is outstretching its hand to me, begging me to save it from the precarious precipice. But too many cookies, and that extra weight sends us plunging over the edge. 


I hate the cliche that all the good guys are either married or gay but I'm on the verge of believing it. 


If I am to believe all the profiles on the internet dating sites, great men are a dime a dozen. Yet I seem to be a penny short  because it's been a while since I met any of them. I may have thought they were great for a while, but I was wrong. 


So at this point, I read the profiles for the entertainment value. I will paraphrase some of the recurrent themes for you.

• "I hate to talk about myself, but if I have to... I am wonderful, witty, smart, considerate, a great lover, your best friend..."
  
  
• "Ready for chapter two. Understand what true love is. No fat women please"
  
  
• "I am a father to 3 wonderful children who are my whole life... they take up much of time so if you expect any attention from me please don't write to me."
  
  
• "My motto in life is live and let live. I am looking for a woman who will not try to change me, who gives me space to breathe, who has her own money..."
  

This one always puzzles me:

• "I would like to meet a woman who is clean."

 So you can tell that I don't have too much to say about my search for Mr. Right.  I'm doing everything in my power to keep the bar set high enough that I don't settle for Mr. Not-Comatose.


As always. I will keep you posted.

Take Two

.................
Hebrew has a wonderful expression roughly translated to "corrective experience". It is part of the lexicon relating to everything from the mundane to the sacred - that opportunity to play out the scene again, this time with a different ending. The best I can find in English is that children's cry of "Do-over".    If we are sharp enough to recognize and create our opportunities, life can be filled with do-overs. Lot's of  do-overs. 


Many of us tried to do-over our fathers with our first marriage. 
Some of us tried to do-over our ex-husbands with our second marriage. 


So long after the second divorce, we (I) finally have it figured out that the only truly effective do-over is on ourselves. We are not going to correct anyone else. 


With the wisdom of hindsight, I trust myself enough to allow back into my life the same one that I've alluded to before, the one that makes my heart skip a beat. I know full well that he isn't going to be there for the long haul. But this time, I'm not going to let him get to me. 


I can't help but think of the expression: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."


Now let's just hope that my heart cooperates and adjusts to the new set of rules. 
.....................

Postcards from the Edge...

....................................

Here we are again... Wait... For real this time....

Here I am again... trying to maintain my equilibrium. 

My inner ear is fine. 

It's my heart that beats to its own drummer: no program to follow and no melody line.  Perhaps the restless beat of tom-toms in a distance and then perhaps the tympanni section of the Philharmonic. Sometimes it is the expectant drum roll of a snare, and other times the calm brushes and muted symbols of a jazz band in the corner. 

All bets are off. I am on the brink. I can go either into that place of supreme bliss or over the edge to the abyss (there's that darn word again).

The S.W.A.T. teams have the target in their cross hairs. Just let him try to break my heart again..

..........................................................